Gladitsme's Xanga

Just Like Everybody Else

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:42:54 GMT

Hurrah. I have a fully functioning immune system again. I got my blood drawn Monday, and was released to go back to work on Tuesday. At that time my count was 4500 with 45% neutrophils. On Tues, I restarted one of my medicines, and got another blood test on Thursday. That blood count was 7500 with 70% neutrophils.

I am so grateful to those who prayed for me. I know this was a direct answer to prayer. How else could I go from 900 with 0% to 7500 with 70% neutrophils in a week? People may say that the prednisone was the cause. I believe it was the tool God used to heal me.

So, I'm not unique, I'm just like everybody else. I'm praying I'll stay that way!

I'm Unique

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 21:14:42 GMT

Apparently my white count plummet is a rare occurrance for someone in remission. My bone marrow biopsy was normal -- but for some reason the white cells weren't getting out into my blood. I'm off all medicine except prednisone and xanax (for anxiety). I'm sequestered until I go to get my blood drawn tomorrow. The last level on Thursday was 4% neutrophils -- up from 0% on Wed. My total white count had gone up from 0.9 to 2.4, but a normal amount of neutrophils is 50%.

I haven't been to work since 10/12. Sally described it as getting a flat tire, rather than run over by a semi. Before, I was able to let go of "why" when getting treated for lymphoma. This time, it's a lot harder to just rest in the Lord. I will probably get sent to a blood specialist at University of California San Diego Medical Center for a second opinion.

I'm just so tired of being the patient. I want to be well, healthy, and living the life the Lord has given me. Our sons have been having a tough time, and poor John is having to be dad and mom again. Please keep our family in your prayers!

Still wondering

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 22:08:16 GMT

I saw my oncologist yesterday. He's a really good doctor, very supportive, reassuring, and not afraid to scratch his head and say, "I don't know". What we do know . . . it's not from the chemo, it's not lymphoma back again , it's not because of the flu shot, and it's not from the sinus infection because that's bacterial.

My white count increased from 0.9 to 1.3 in 2 days. This is good, but the level is still lower than it was in April when I was hospitalized. My doctor was planning to hospitalize me before he saw me. Fortunately, the antibiotic was helping me feel better, and I didn't have to go after all. Unfortunately, I have a rash like purple measles all over me now from the Cipro. It's not life threatening, it doesn't itch or hurt, so I'm taking an antihistamine to keep any other reactions quiet.

Poor John is feeling a lot of frustration. No sooner do I get better, than I get sick again. I'm being a hermit at home again, so Dad is the taxi service for the boys and chief cook and bottle washer again. I only worked one day this week, and am not sure when I'll be able to go back.

Now what?

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:18:53 GMT

Tuesday morning I woke up feeling off. I thought I had a fever, but I needed to get to work, so off I went. I took an aleve and then after it wore off, I took sudafed sinus. I felt ok, and work went along fine. On my way home, I noticed once again that I was having palpitations. I always thought I knew what that word meant, until Tues when I looked it up. It means being aware of one's heartbeat. Oh, well, yeah, I'm having palpitations -- have been for a couple of weeks off and on. I decided that maybe I should get it checked.

I went to Urgent Care, where they checked me out. I told them about a couple of other symptoms I was having and they did a couple of tests for those. They sent me home on no medicine, and told me to check back with my doctor if the symptoms kept up. I woke up the next morning and knew I had a fever. I called in sick to work, which I hate having to do. I was lying in bed feeling yucky, when I got a call from my doctor's office. The Urgent Care sent her a message about me being there -- it's ok, it's the same medical group. So, I got an appointment for that afternoon. I was trying to be smart and didn't take any fever reducing medicine. I had heard that a fever can burn out the bugs, but in my case, I should have just taken the medicine. I was running a 101.8 fever when I got checked at the doctor's office. I felt horrible. But the focus at first was on my heart. They had done 2 EKGs in Urgent Care, and then another at the doctor's. They said it was fine. That was a relief. (Except I got a call today to schedule a cardiology appointment.) The nurse practitioner (at my dr office) told me he thinks I have the H1 N1 flu. And, I have an infection, which is what I thought, but Urgent Care said my test was negative. He sent me for a chest x-ray, and blood work. He prescribed Cipro, and sent me home, off work until at least Monday.

So, while lying in bed today, I got a call from the oncologist who told me my white count was around 1000, lower than it was when I went into the hospital in April. I have an appointment with him tomorrow and have to get my blood re-drawn first. I'm trying not to worry.

I'm not Pollyanna

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 04:12:53 GMT

But I see God's hand in so many places in my life. Last Thursday, as I was driving to work, I glanced down at my cup as I put it back into the holder. When I looked up, there was nothing but white in my view. A Marine in a white Mustang convertable was making a U turn -- right in front of me. Despite standing on the brakes, it was too close for me to stop in time. Crunch. I T-boned his car. So what does this have to do with Pollyanna?? No one was hurt. My car, though damaged, is drivable. If his insurance is the fly-by-night company it sounds like, I can claim against mine.

I've been worried about my health again. Every twinge, twitch, ache, etc., I start to think I should call the doctor about it. Dr. Crucitt, my oncologist, ordered an MRI and a Dexa scan to find out about the compression fracture in my spine. I had the MRI today, and within 3 hours of the scan, Dr. Crucitt called with the results. When I heard his voice on my voicemail, I was scared because I thought, "here it comes". The tech had told me to expect the results after 2 days. Since it was so quick I figured it had to be bad news. So, the bad news is that I have arthritis in my back. The good news is . . . no tumor, no sign of lymphoma causing the fracture. So, no need for radiation. The Dexa scan is to see if I have osteoporosis. That's on the 29th.

I've decided with God my glass is always all full. I just have to see the contents. These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

I have a job interview tomorrow for a civil service position at my current work site. I would switch from being a contractor to being a government employee. Please pray for God's will. Thanks.

Why I love my job

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 20:25:15 GMT

It occurred to me that I have said that I love my job, but haven't really said what I love about it.

California is a suspicious place. If I smile at strangers, they react with a look that says, "What do you want?" If I wave at someone while driving, there is another suspicious reaction, "I don't know you. Why are you waving at me?" Heaven forbid you try to talk to a stranger!

When I went to Camp Pendleton for my interview, people smiled at me and said hello as I walked by. There were American flags all over, and people showed respect for them. I was greeted at the mental health area with warmth. They seemed glad to see me, and stated they hoped I got the job. "We sure need you." Wow!

I started work at the end of July 08. Doing therapy in the past with chronic mentally ill patients gave me a very different experience than working with active duty military service members. Active duty military listen to what I recommend, and do it! They want to get better, and they do what it takes. They appreciate what I do, and tell me so.

But it's not just the clients who appreciate me. My coworkers respect me and consult with me about our mutual clients. They worked with the contracting company I actually work for, to make sure I was able to keep my job. People took the time to take care of my plants, and when I got back, apologized that a couple of them died.

There is a level of patriotism, honor and commitment I haven't found in civilian workplaces. God is acknowledged -- "For God and country" is more than just a saying.

Given all this, I feel I am a better therapist, and a better person for working there. What I do matters. Someone who comes for help with PTSD can get effective help thanks to training they've given me. So, yes, I love my job and care about those I help and those I work with. Their commitment inspires me.

It's been a while

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:09:37 GMT

I've been offline at home thanks to my clumsiness. I have destroyed four different power cords since July. The third one was to John's new laptop. Oops. Then he got the fourth one to replace it, and it got yanked too hard. Now it doesn't work. I can't access Xanga, Facebook or my personal e-mail accounts from work, so, it's been a while since I've posted here. I can post some from my phone to Facebook, and can respond to some e-mails as well, but it's not the same as having a real keyboard and computer screen.

I'm posting now from a secondary computer John has in his office. He won't let me use his "real" computer because, for some reason, he thinks I mess them up. Can you imagine?

As for my health, it's good -- praise the Lord! I've worked full time the last 2 weeks, and it feels pretty good. I do love my job, and the people I work with are terrific. It's been a long road back, and I'm grateful to everyone who prayed and supported me through.

Blessed and tired

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 03:56:05 GMT

It's been an eventful month so far. Our family spent the last week of July at Lake Shasta on a houseboat we rented. We left on August 1 and got back to San Diego on the 2nd. My stepmother died August 3. I didn't go back to the funeral even though I wanted to. It was held in Warrensburg on August 6. I started back to work on August 7, Grant's birthday. On the 16th, John and I celebrated our 23rd anniversary. Joseph started 7th grade on the 17th. Last week I worked 3 days, and 3 days again this week. Next week I go back to full time work. I still love my job, and several clients I worked with before have asked to see me again.

My hair is starting to grow back in, but it's sparse and still very short. I noticed stubble on my legs yesterday, so no more saving money on razors. So, I'm wearing a wig to work, and it's a weird feeling. I see the various Marines with their shaved heads, and want to tell them I have the same hairstyle. So far, I've restrained myself.

I still struggle with fatigue at times, but overall, I'm feeling a lot better. Work is energizing but the commute isn't. It took me more than 2 hours to get home tonight. Stop and go traffic for 60 miles is not fun.

Remission

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 03:23:56 GMT

Young's Literal Translation (YLT)

Public Domain

Ephesians 1:7 (Young's Literal Translation)

⁷in whom we have the redemption through his blood, the remission of the trespasses, according to the riches of His grace,

Other translations use the word forgiveness instead of remission. I quote the above verse to announce that I have been informed that I am in remission from lymphoma. I'm still recoving from the last bout of chemo, but I can feel a level of energy that I haven't had in a very LONG time. There is still a "tiny spot" on my spleen on the PET scan, but all my lymph nodes are normal size, and the lesions on my spleen are gone.

Without the riches of His grace, I would not have survived this treatment. I believe that the Lord carried me through this time of trial and I am so grateful. I don't deserve His blessings, but I happily accept them because it pleases Him to bless me.

I learned the news on Thursday night and the phone lines were humming! I think the best call was to Dad Friday. It was so wonderful to tell him I'm ok and hear the relief in his voice. Grant told me he'd just gotten Christmas in July. James just about broke my ribs hugging me, and Joseph hugged me and cried with me. John's reaction has been more muted, but he, too, is thrilled.

I have a deeper understanding of remission now. It is the release from a death sentence, one you have no control over, and only God, Himself, can remove it from you. It is a beautiful, sacred thing to experience.

Changing to a secular track: While on the road today, we heard one of the songs from our wedding, Heaven by Bryan Adams.

Oh - thinkin’ about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free

Now nothin’ can take you away from me (Not even cancer!)
We’ve been down that road before
But that’s over now
You keep me comin’ back for more
Baby you’re all that I want
When you’re lyin’ here in my arms
I’m findin’ it hard to believe
We’re in heaven

And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn’t too hard to see
We’re in heaven

Oh - once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you’re feelin’ down

Ya - nothin’ could change what you mean to me
Oh there’s lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way

Chorus

I’ve bin waitin’ for so long
For somethin’ to arrive
For love to come along

Now our dreams are comin’ true
Through the good times and the bad
Ya - I’ll be standin’ there by you (And he has. I am so blessed to have a wonderful husband.)

As I was hearing it, I started crying. I held John's hand as he was driving and let the tears come. James was worried at first until I told him they were happy tears. On August 16, we will celebrate our 23rd anniversary. Here's to 23 more!

As if there wasn't enough going on. . .

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 22:01:03 GMT

We had to admit James to a psych hospital yesterday after Sally left. He wasn't taking his meds and was not doing well at all. The doctor today said to expect him to be there around a week to get him stable again.

He's at a different hospital than the last time, because this one is much closer to home and none of us are up for the trip to the other facility every single night.

My last chemo is Monday 7/13, and it looks like James will still be inpatient unless he gets better more quickly than they expect.

We request your prayers for our family!! Thanks.