Young's Literal Translation (YLT)

Public Domain

Ephesians 1:7 (Young's Literal Translation)

We had to admit James to a psych hospital yesterday after Sally left.  He wasn't taking his meds and was not doing well at all.  The doctor today said to expect him to be there around a week to get him stable again.  

He's at a different hospital than the last time, because this one is much closer to home and none of us are up for the trip to the other facility every single night. 

My last chemo is Monday 7/13, and it looks like James will still be inpatient unless he gets better more quickly than they expect. 

We request your prayers for our family!!  Thanks.

Feeling sad this morning.  Sally has been here since June 23 and has been a tremendous help to us.  She's leaving early Tuesday, and I'm having a hard time with her going back home.  Until she got here, I hadn't realized how sick I've really been.  And no, having her here hasn't made me sick.   It's just having someone with energy to do the work around the house that I can't made me realize how little energy I've had for so long.  It seems like years since the house has been this clean, and everyone in the family has been appreciating it. 

Sally has also made more meals for us than I usually do, even when I'm well.  It's going to be hard on all of us to go back to our status quo.  I think I'll be accepting a lot more help from church and friends than I had been before.  As I've told John many times, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

It was a major accomplishment Friday that I made dinner -- spaghetti and meatballs from frozen meatballs, jarred spaghetti sauce and angel hair pasta.  And I was wiped out afterward.  Sally cleaned up the kitchen while I sat in my chair.    She says she doesn't mind, and I'm sure she doesn't.  I appreciate her so much. 

I think it's harder to be left than to leave, if you know what I mean.  If I was leaving her home to return to mine, I think I'd still be sad, but not as much as I am now. 

I'll get through it.  I always do.  It's just no fun.

Holey moley.  This has been a whopper of a chemo cycle.  I'm just now getting toward feeling like I'll survive.  It's taken longer this time than previously -- I think.  It's hard to keep track of how long I feel like death warmed over.  All I know is that it's almost worse having that week of feeling normal because of how bad I feel the next 2 weeks.  Praise God, I've only got to do this 2 more times.  June 22 and July 13. 

As I told Grant on the phone, I've been wondering about whether I've been giving my cat an involuntary course of chemotherapy.  She has been staying right up against me since March.  If I'm at home, she's on me somehow, either on my neck, legs, shoulder, etc.  I wonder if I excrete the chemicals through my skin.  I'll have to ask the oncologist next time I see him.  I don't think her vet would be able to answer the question.  She doesn't seem to be sick, but she's still sneezing all the time.

One of the drugs is apparently so toxic that the nurse wears a special gown, puts a barrier between my arm and the IV connection, and checks several times to be sure the stuff is going into the vein, not into the tissues.  She has to put it in via special syringes rather than an IV drip, and it's dyed a putrid red.  I'm amazed my veins are able to handle this gunk.  It burns going in sometimes, and the nurse has to slow down.  I drink ice water and suck on ice while I'm getting this one because after 2 weeks I get sores in my mouth from it.  The cold constricts the blood vessels and keeps it from doing as much damage.  Last cycle, I didn't get the cold under my tongue, and that's where I got sores.  This time, I only got 2 small sores on my tongue, instead of deep cracks in it.  Sorry if this is too much information.  I suspect if I don't write about this while it's going on, I won't remember it later. 

Chemo yesterday, but we saw the oncologist first.  John went with me to the doctor appointment.  Good news -- I don't need the PET scan because all my blood levels are back to normal except for being slightly anemic.  I still have 2 more chemo cycles after this one then I'll have a PET scan to be sure I'm healed.

I listen to a show on NPR called A Way With Words.  Today someone who was on the show asked about the use of the phrase "the wreck of the Hesperus".  He said his mom and aunt would describe a mess as the wreck of the Hesperus. 

So, as I was driving along, I started to think about phrases people use to express their intent to confront someone.  (In the interests of simplicity and since I have sons, I'm going to use the male gender as my reference.)

"I'm going to tell him how the cow ate the cabbage!"

"I'm going to give him a piece of my mind."

"I'm going to chew him up one side and down the other."

"His *ss is grass and I'm the lawnmower."

"I'm going to read him the riot act."

"I'm going to give him an ear full."

"I'm going to give him what for."

Any other examples you can think of?  I was trying to remember more, and drew a blank. 

I'm feeling better today, other than the tongue sores, emotional outbursts, lack of energy, fear of infection, and other assorted symptoms, that is.  I'm able to read, type, focus more.  I even made dinner in the crock pot today -- and it was edible!  I managed to go to the grocery store and got stuff we needed without using a list.  Mainly because I forgot to make one, but did remember to buy toilet paper this time.

I've had a very strong emotional reaction to the news about the 13 year old boy who doesn't want to get chemo for Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and his mother took off with him to avoid a court order to get him treated.  He has a 90% likelihood of a cure if he's treated, but because he was sick and depressed after 1 treatment, mom decided not to force him to have any further chemo treatments.  I'm not even going to get into the whole "shaman" nonsense that the mom was spouting about her son being able to "cure himself" as part of some cult.

Hello?? Isn't that her JOB as a parent?  You make your kids clean up their room, bathe, go to bed, take medicine when they're sick.  Trust me, I would not wish chemo on anyone.  But, even less, would I wish an unnecessary death from cancer on anyone.   

I'm tired, sick and feeling yucky. 

As one of my friends pointed out, it's about time the boys started doing some work around the house.  So, a few days ago, I taught James how to load the dishwasher.  Several of the dishes in the sink were from the fridge.  He has a bad habit of smelling everything he touches. 

You see where this is going, right?  Some of the science experiments appear to have had less than appetizing scents.  The gagging and coughing were not feigned, and I'm hoping he learned his lesson this time.  He wanted to quit, and was indignant that I wouldn't let him.  I explained that he had to finish the job and that I've dealt with this more than a few times myself -- without the sniffing on my part.  He managed to load the dishwasher without passing out, and we set it for sanitizer wash, with high heat. 

I love my dishwasher -- it has a large capacity, and it cleans really well.  And, I'm going to keep teaching James how to load and unload it.

I only slept about 6 extra hours today instead of almost around the clock.  Now I have a sore tongue and cracks in the corners of my mouth -- same as the last time I had chemo, and about the same length of time since the treatment. 

Ok, but here's the strange thing (as if nothing else about this is).  Remember how I shaved my head because I couldn't stand losing all my hair?  My hair is growing, not falling out.  I highly recommend Vitamin D as a hair tonic.  It's the only vitamin I'm still taking regularly.  I don't regret cutting my hair off, well, I do, but, I still have bald patches with hair growing around them.  So, I would have strange comb-over areas if I hadn't tried to eliminate the issue.  I got the 2 wigs styled last week, and I wear them when I leave the house. 

Thanks to the recent flu, I only left the house on Monday for a doctor's appointment, then last night to look for Joseph when he didn't come home on time.  Otherwise, I've been inside at home.  It's frustrating to not be able to just run out to the grocery store when I'm out of something.  I ended up writing out a grocery list for John.  "This brand of yogurt only.  These flavors only."  It was one of the funnier lists I've written, including asking him not to buy lime jello -- ewww.  He found me cherry/black cherry pre-made jello.  But he didn't know what turnovers are, so I suggested Toaster Strudel instead.  I was so specific because John likes lime jello and can't imagine why that wouldn't be a special treat for me.  And other things I really like, he hates, so he doesn't think to buy them.  And my beloved guy spent almost 2 hours in the store finding exactly what I asked for.  I'm so blessed to have him.  Ok, everyone, give John a round of applause!!!!