I could swear a steamroller hit me.

I contacted the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to ask for a support person.  Guess who they assigned?  My chiropractor's wife.  (See March 21st post.)

My cat believes it's her job to keep my neck warm!  And I never knew how much I resemble Uncle Haden. . .

Well, it's pink. . .

It's a bit longer than my previous hair. . .

John likes the ponytail look better than loose.

It's the short version.

I feel like Rosanna Rosanna Dana from the old Saturday Night Live.  John and I went to the oncologist this morning in preparation for chemo today.  He checked out my blood levels -- white count 3800 -- low but not too bad, neutrophil percentage 17%.    That's bad.  He said no chemo today because of it.  The chemo knocks down my white count even with neulasta.  So, I got a neupogen shot (shorter acting neulasta) this morning, and will give myself one on Sunday (eek!).  Then I'll have chemo on Monday.  John won't be able to stay with me on Monday because of work.  He said he'll drop me off, and pick me up though. 

We decided that going to Louisiana for our niece's wedding in May is not going to happen.  I'm sad about that, but don't want to end up with some kind of infection from the plane trip or southern "bugs".  I know John's family understands.  Still, this disease is so frustrating, and inconvenient.  It impacts everything in my life.

What a messy experience.  For the past week, everytime I touched my hair, my hand came away fuzzy.  By last night, I had large bald patches.  Today, I decided enough was enough.  I went to the salon and had them shave the rest of my hair off.  I got a couple of wigs from the social worker at Grossmont, and I put one on after going bald.  I'm wearing a scarf now, and am feeling really sad. 

Everyone I've spoken to has been reassuring that it'll grow back.  Yes it will -- in November!  In the meantime, I lost all my hair and it's not a pretty picture.   And as someone else said, better my hair than my life.  I know this too, but as a woman, I feel ugly without hair. 

Still in the hospital

Prayer request

Link to my friend's website for the 100 mile bike ride for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society

FYI, from my last post saying I was too tired to talk on the phone:  It was meant as an inside joke to my siblings.  I used to run up enormous phone bills because I was always on the phone.  Please feel free to call me, if I'm wiped out, I'll tell ya!    Or I'll hand the phone over to Joseph who is never without something to say. 

  I forgot that I took some photos of myself before the biopsy. 

 Grumpy Bumpy 

See where my neck dents in on the left side of the photo?  It doesn't on the right side of the photo.

Not so grumpy bumpy: 

Scar from today:

I took Joseph with me to the "beauty supply store" and he had to try on the rock star wig:

 This one had red highlights that were the same color as my shirt:

I haven't found the right one yet.    Joseph liked the middle one -- nice and long with platinum strands.

John was not impressed with any of the photos.  "Ah . . . no"  and "Yuck"  were his constructive comments.   

I got a call the other night from a former coworker.  She's a terrific person, athletic, friendly, and just an all around joy.  She has been participating in fundraising for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society for several years.  Her mother has a type of chronic leukemia.  When she heard about my diagnosis, she asked if I would be willing to be an honorary team member for her upcoming Century Ride at Lake Tahoe-100 mile bike ride in the mountains around Lake Tahoe.    Honorary would definitely fit my current ability to be involved! 

The title is from a sweatshirt she got at another event.  She was very encouraging and warm.  I'll be looking for a good (ok acceptable) photo of the family for her to wear while riding.

Chemo is defninitely not for sissies.  Once every three weeks -- I'm still recovering from last Friday.  I have no energy.  I'll be "ok" for about 1/2 hour at a time.  I don't have the energy to read.  And here's the real proof -- I'm too tired to talk on the phone!    The other day, I woke up late and ended up having to take James to his school.  I was so out of it, I drove right past the street without even realizing it.  James had to point it out to me, and then when I turned around and went back, I started to drive right past it again!  At that moment, I realized a 90 minute drive to my job wasn't going to be wise.  I've taken the entire week off work. 

I was thinking of how to express my lack of energy.  It's not weariness, like you get after a good day's work, nor is it exhaustion, from expending energy.  It's more like how the lead apron feels when they put it on you at the dentist for x-rays.  A heaviness, unrelenting, not deadly, but enervating.  I wonder how long it will be before I get some energy back?  I hope before my next treatment!

We got to the oncologist's office at 7:30 for my 8:10 appointment.  My primary care doctor had asked me if would stop by her office so she could see me, and I asked if John could come and meet her.  She said she would like that.  Once we finished the the oncologist, I went to the floor my doctor is on and asked to see her.  She hadn't told anyone else about this, so they were all hesitant.  I finally decided to go on to chemo and left a message that I had stopped by. 

We went to the wrong place first -- a new fancy cancer treatment center.  The receptionist was rude, and the nurse's assistant was clueless.  When we walked in, the receptionist told us to go sit down, someone would be with us soon.  I tried to ask if we were in the right place, and she just told me again to go sit down.  After a few minutes, the nurse's assistant came out and asked for my name.  She tried a couple of times to pronounce it, and then was thoroughly puzzled by my oncologist's name.  "I don't think we have that doctor here."  When I tried to explain -- without success, she walked over to the rude receptionist who said, "You're in the wrong place.  Go to the main hospital entrance and they'll tell you where to go."  John was highly perturbed by this treatment and said he was thankful that I wasn't being treated there.

I got an hour of patient education about the meds I was going to receive, and then the IV was started, and it was underway.  We left at 4:30 pm, and I felt wiped out.  I was lightheaded and feeling fuzzy.  Kind of like how I feel when I have a fever or have a cold.  So far, I don't think I have a fever.  I'm just really, really tired.

I got a call today from my primary care doctor.  She said she had reviewed my chart because of how drastically my health changed.  She told me that in November, my blood levels, etc. were normal.  In mid-December, I got anemic.  The anemia is because of the cancer.  So, in 2 months, the lymph nodes had reacted enough that I noticed bumps. 

How on earth did something that started in December get to Stage IV in 3 months???  I guess the internet sites that call DLBC lymphoma aggressive aren't kidding. 

One other issue that was revealed:  my chronic lower back problems are due to degenerative disc disease.  So, naturally, my back has been hurting continually since I was told. 

Welp, I'm tired, so I'll end this for now.  Updates will probably be relatively frequent.  Please keep praying!