The bad news is:  I have lymphoma -- the aggressive type.   

The good news is:  It can be cured.  Chemo starts Friday. 

I go between crying and freaked out to the max to calm and trusting in the Lord.  I'd rather be trusting all the time, but I know I have to feel my feelings and deal with them here and now.  So, for now, that's what I'm trying to do. 

The song Be With Me Lord has been running through my mind over and over today.  And the blood tech who drew my blood this morning -- and has drawn it multiple times before over several years -- encouraged me to praise God and trust Him to heal me.  She's never really talked to me before today, just would say, "Little pinch", and "Ok we're done."  Today, she hugged me and told me she'll pray for me.

After talking to my sister, I learned that it's not unusual for doctors in the midwest to pray with their patients.  In the 30 (gulp) years I've lived in California, I have never EVER had a doctor offer to pray with me.  It's not done.  Everyone here that I've told has been amazed. 

I'm on a journey I never wanted to take, and have no ability to avoid.  He's got a plan and a purpose, and He's showing me how much support we have available to us, it's everywhere!  Even the McDonald's manager at the drive thru tonight was wearing a tie with "Faith, Hope and Love" on it.  It could be that I'm more aware, but I think I would have noticed any kind of Christian attire at McDonald's.

James 5:  ¹⁴ Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵ And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.

I had my preop visit with the surgeon on Tuesday -- Happy St. Patrick's Day -- the bruises from the blood draws weren't green yet, so they didn't count as wearing green.  Just kidding!    I'm starting to feel like a former client who said, "If they keep taking blood out of me, pretty soon I'm just going to run out." 

I had the biopsy on Wednesday.  They used conscious sedation on me.  I have absolutely no memory past getting on the operating table and then waking up in the recovery area with blurry vision.  When John gave me back my glasses, that cleared right up.    The surgeon wanted to be thorough, so he did a 2 for 1 biopsy.  I now have 2 less lymph nodes than I had on Tuesday.  He also took off a red bump on my right arm, so I have owies on both sides of my upper body.  Makes it tough for my guys to hug and love on me.   

So, I made my list and checked it more than twice:

Physical exam of bumps:   (yep 7 times)

Blood work:  

CAT scan:

PET scan:

Biopsy:

Waiting for answers:  (33 days and counting)

My follow up appointment with the oncologist is Tuesday morning, and I'll be seeing the surgeon afterward.  My appointment was originally scheduled for 8:30, but the office called and rescheduled for 8:10. 

My thought was, "It's bad news and the doctor wants more time with me."  John's reaction was, "He probably had another appointment he needed to fit in, so he's having us come in earlier." 

I have experienced the "peace which passes all understanding" during this time.  It can only be from the prayers and comfort of the Lord.   My insurance has not had even one hiccup with all the requests for testing and specialists, etc.  It's unbelievable if I didn't know Who is in charge. 

I've learned that many of my coworkers are believers, and are praying for me and the family, plus they have requested prayer for me from their churches as well.  I'm just glad He doesn't get tired of hearing about me.  

This is the prayer request Joseph put in at church:  "Please help my mom Nancy, she has cancer and I don’t want her to have cancer."   I know about it because I get a copy of the prayer requests to pray for every week. 

I went to see my chiropractor today because I was out of alignment.  His office fit me in at the last minute.  His wife (also Nancy) was there.  She hasn't been working on Saturdays for several months, but there she was.  She talked with me about lymphoma and her experience.  She was so supportive and told me to call her anytime.  She had the same initial symptoms I've had, and she showed me the scar on her upper neck from the lymph node biopsy she had.  I told her about the allergist who prayed with me when this all started.  She was amazed, and said she'd never heard anyone else say that had happened for them. 

I'm trying to keep my sense of humor going -- especially since we got a visit from Child Protective Services last night.  There was a report made about Joseph being too aggressive and potentially harming me, and then another report about James hitting Joseph with a costume football helmet.  She talked with John and me together, and then each of the boys separately.  I asked the school for an IEP for Joseph because he's doing badly in school this year, and John wants to get him back on ADHD meds, and we told the CPS lady this.  She said she wished they had more families like us.    I'm honestly not sure why, I don't think we're unusual.  (And no, I'm not soliciting compliments.)  Normal families don't get visits from CPS!  She said the case will be closed before April 1.   

We just didn't need the extra stress right now.  But, hey, it all turned out ok, so I'll move on. 

Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your blessings, see what God has done.    He's done more than I can begin to name for my family and me.

I had my PET scan on Friday -- Positron Emission Tomography.   Not multiple cats or cats and dogs scanning one.  Anyway, I can now say that being radioactive does not include glowing in the dark.  It does, however, include setting off a geiger counter at the hospital.  That was a very weird feeling. 

The technician asked me if I planned to go to the airport or Mexican border within the next 48 hours.  When I said no and asked why, he told me that another patient went to visit family in Mexico right after her scan.  While she was being strip-searched after setting off the Geiger counter (she was coming back to the US), they found the letter from the hospital stating she had recently had a PET scan.  They apologized and allowed her into the country.

I had 4 medical appointments this past week.  The first was the CAT scans on Monday afternoon.  The second was with an allergist on Tuesday.  I had gotten a message from my primary care doctor in the morning, and called back -- AKA phone tag.  I told the allergist that I was expecting a call from my PCP and why, and he said under the circumstances he was ok with me leaving my cell phone on.  

So, while he was taking my history, my phone rang, and it was Dr. Roth.  She told me that the CAT scan showed all my lymph nodes were swollen -- neck, chest, abdomen and groin.  Not good news, and she apologized for telling me I have lymphoma over the phone.  I told her it was ok, but I was crying.  The allergist came back into the office and asked if I wanted to talk about it.

I told him what Dr. Roth told me, and he handed me a tissue, and then said, "I'm a Christian.  Can I pray with you?"   A truly divine appointment.    I said I would very much appreciate praying.  So he did.  He offered to skip the rest of the appointment, but we agreed to finish.  What a blessing.  When I was leaving, he held my hand in both of his and told me he and his family would continue to pray for me.

I went outside the medical clinic and sat down and cried.  Once I had my emotions slightly under control, I called John and told him.  He was devastated, and agreed to come home as soon as possible.  As it turned out, he didn't get home until after I left with James for his therapy appointment.   

I explained to James in as calm a manner as I could, and he accepted it without questions or really seeming very disturbed.  I wasn't sure if it was because he didn't get it, or I had downplayed it too much.  (He still seems unconcerned most of the time.)  Joseph, on the other hand, came running to me and cried out, "Mommy, do you really have cancer?"   I told him that it looks like it, but we don't know for sure yet. 

The next day, John and I went to see the oncologist, Dr. Crucitt.  He was an older man with a calm manner.  He took another history from me, with input from John.  He said that the CAT scan was suggestive of lymphoma, but it could still be that I have some kind of infection.  He was able to describe the night sweats I've had as "drenching", and that's exactly correct.  He said it could be that I've been developing a fever every night from an infection, or lymphoma.  He asked (as did the allergist) if I could have been exposed to anything from the Marines returning from Iraq or Afghanistan.  Well, yeah, but no one has coughed in my face or anything.  I have seen some guys almost literally off the medevac plane.  But they weren't sent back because of medical problems.  He then said the phrase I've been clinging to. 

"If you have to get cancer, lymphoma is the kind to get." 

He said they have a high success rate with treatment, and the norm is chemotherapy.  He said that first I have to have a biopsy to find out exactly what I've got, and a needle biopsy won't do that.  He said they'll have to remove one of the nodes and examine it.  I offered the one that is most sore on my neck.  He laughed, and told me to let the surgeon know.  So, he told me to take 2 Aleve twice a day, and to take iron because I'm mildly anemic.   He also ordered a PET scan and lots of blood tests.  The vampires got the blood that afternoon, but I'm waiting for the PET scan. 

I started the Aleve that night, and the sweating dropped to almost nothing.  Wow!  Who knew?  I've been taking the iron too. 

Thursday, I went to work for the whole day after being off for a day and a half.  It was nice to go from being the patient to being a care provider.  And it helped me to help others. 

Then Friday morning, I went to the surgery consult for the biopsy -- another history, and Dr. Manly told me that a needle biopsy won't work, and scheduled me for an outpatient procedure on March 18.  I've been quite impressed with all the doctors, nurses, lab techs and radiologists I've encountered since this started -- 3 weeks ago last Thursday.

Friday afternoon, I went to work, and found my boss.  I told her what's going on, and told her that I love my job and will do what I can to minimize the disruption to my schedule.  She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You're not going to lose your job over this.  You have to take care of your health, and the patients will just have to understand.  You're a good worker, and you take good care of the patients. We value you here, so don't worry about your job."    "Please keep me up to date on how you're doing, ok?" 

I teared up then, and cried when I typed this because the contrast from my previous boss really hit me like a ton of bricks.  It's worth the 52 mile commute each way for this job.

So, I wait to find out for sure what's wrong.  If, as the oncologist thinks, it's lymphoma, he said it's stage 4 because I have spots on my spleen as well as swollen lymph nodes.  He said though that the swelling is not as bad as I thought, and he thinks I have a "low grade follicular type of lymphoma".  He said the success rate for treatment is very high.  Once the biopsy is done, we'll know if it's an infection or which of the 35 types of Hodgkins and non-Hodgkins lymphoma I have, and plan my treatment.

My chiropractor is also a Christian and told me that his wife (also named Nancy) had the identical type of lymphoma 5 years ago, and recently was given another clean bill of health.  She had "Stage 4 with spleen involvement" when she was diagnosed. 

I feel like the Lord is giving me a lot of reassurances, so I'm trying to wait in Him.  

And then I went to my e-mail and got this:  http://www.everydayhealth.com/cancer/emotional-impact-of-cancer-diagnosis.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthEmotionalHealth_20090308 

Well, I have a busy week coming up.  I told the head of the clinic where I work what was going on, because I'm going to have to miss quite a bit of work this coming week.  She was very supportive and caring.    "Your patients will just have to understand.  Your health has to come first."  

Monday, I have the Cat scans in the afternoon.  Tuesday I see the allergist about my antibiotic allergies, Wednesday, John and I will meet with the Hematological Oncologist  (that scared the dickins out of me!) Then Friday I'll see the surgeon to see if I need a needle biopsy of my lymph nodes. 

John hates dealing with this kind of stuff.  If it was possible, he'd have me handle all the boys' medical appointments, but for this, he agreed to go with me.  I told him I needed him, and he said, "You always need me." 

This is true!  I do need him, but I know how I get when I get as stressed out as I am right now.  I don't know how much I'll be able to take in from the doctor on Wednesday.  John keeps telling me not to worry, he's sure it's just an infection, and if I'd exercise more, I'd be healthier.  (Yes, he's still alive and uninjured.) 

I love seeing how God answers prayers.  I had asked for prayer at church last Sunday -- specifically that the doctors would find out what's wrong quickly.  The surgeon's office said they were booking appointments in April, the CAT scan wasn't supposed to be available until then either.  Yet, I have both appointments next week.  Divine intervention indeed!! 

I went to the doctor's office yesterday as ordered .  I saw a nurse practitioner who checked my neck.  Ouch!   If it wasn't sore before, it sure is now.  He ordered a chest x-ray and blood work.  I got a call later in the afternoon saying that I have a small amount of fluid in one of my lungs, and my blood work was abnormal.    So, he put in a referral to an oncologist.    I was freaked out to put it mildly.  He also wanted me to get my blood drawn again this morning to check my hemoglobin level since it dropped in a week.  He told me that the oncologist wants me to get CAT scans before I see him, and they're scheduled for Monday the 2nd.  They're scanning my neck, chest and abdomen.  I'm also supposed to get a needle biopsy of the lymph nodes.  I don't know when that's going to happen yet. 

My primary care doctor called me afterward to tell me not to worry too much, we're just going to take it one step at a time.  She said she wasn't too worried about my blood test results, but that the swollen lymph nodes are concerning.  I've got a wonderful doctor!  She cares about me and how I'm doing.  It helps me to stay calmer knowing she's watching out for me.

But the One who is truly watching out for me is the One I'm calling on most.  I keep praying and ask that you all will do the same.  I want to see my boys grow to manhood, if the Lord wills. 

I haven't been feeling well since the beginning of December.  From a cold to other infections to back problems it has seemed endless.  (And to the family as well!)  Recently, I've had tummy trouble.  And on Thursday, at work, I noticed a bump in my left shoulder area, at the base of my neck.  Hmm.  So I Googled neck bumps.  I learned that my lymph nodes are what are currently bumpy.  Then I made the silly mistake of investigating further.  The cause can be anything from an infection to cancer in various body areas.  Naturally, I decided it's obvious that the last is the problem.   

Then I remembered that my left arm had been numb and had been a bit swollen.  I picked up my purse to leave work. . . It must have weighed 10 pounds.  As soon as I set the straps on my shoulder, yeouch.  Oh yeah, I remember, I had these same symptoms before.  And as soon as I lightened up my purse, the pain and swelling went away the last time.  I recently bought a BIG purse at a yard sale, and managed to put lots of stuff in it.  I do believe it's time to clean out my bag again.  Or change to a smaller one.    I think it's not a good idea to put a lot of weight on one's lymph nodes.  I'll still get checked by the doctor, but I believe I've solved the mystery.

The boys were playing Star Wars Battlefront II on their PS2 tonight.  I was sitting in my recliner with 2 cats on me. On the screen, they were playing ewoks (sp?).  The sound effects were very much like cats meowing and dogs barking.  Not long after I commented to the boys about this, I noticed my leg was really hot all of a sudden.  John's cat, Jean Claude Kitty reacted to the sound effects by marking me as his territory.  Ewww!  I made him get off me, to his great dismay, and the boys reacted with hilarity.     Sigh.  Both boys laughed so hard they fell out of their chairs.  It will surprise no one to learn that the washer is now washing the throw I had over me, along with my pants. 

  On Dec 30, while John and some friends were playing a card game, our friend Zina called.  She fell down the stairs at her home, and was at the ER.  As it turned out, she broke her left ankle.  Yeouch!  Although she also sprained her right ankle, it healed quickly, so she was able to drive after getting a cast on the left. 

She's feeling better now.  Of course, it's 2009. 

SCATTERGORIES. ..it's harder than it looks!    Erase my answers, enter yours. 
Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following. They have to be real places, names, things.. nothing made up!  
 
Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.
 
  WHAT IS YOUR NAME:                               Nancy
  BOY NAME:                                                   Nicholas
  4 LETTER WORD:                                          Name
  GIRL NAME:                                                  Nora
  OCCUPATION:                                              Nanny
  A COLOR:                                                      Navy blue
  SOMETHING YOU WEAR:                           Necklace
  BEVERAGE:                                                    Nettle tea
  FOOD:                                                             Noodles
  SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM:  Napkin 
  A PLACE :                                                      New York
  REASON FOR BEING LATE:                       No parking
  SOMETHING YOU SHOUT:                        NO!